What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
