you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
