Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
