tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
