You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
