So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
