Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
