sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
