Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Let's get the cat blown out
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
