i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
