he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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