I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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