I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
