google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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