I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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