I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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