He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
