Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
false alarm, still single
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