dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
