I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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