People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
