Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
