it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
