i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
