"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
