I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
