i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
