My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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