I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
