I want to make a zoo with you.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
last night I used snow as a chaser
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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