I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
