I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
