Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
