i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
