Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am naked and annoyed.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
