WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
