put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
is it fun? or sober?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
