my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
