His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
