The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
