could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
