I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
