Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I need to stop coming to work sober
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
