I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
