so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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