in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
