Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
