I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
