I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
