I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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