I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
