don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
