You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
